Daniel Radcliffe, as sweet and talented as he is, had a rough go of it hosting this weekend's very subpar episode of Saturday Night Live. It's not his fault—there were just some real stinker sketches in there. (And then there was Lana Del Rey, but more about her later.) Radcliffe did have two successful bits, featuring two very unlucky characters: Casey Anthony's new dog, and a Spin the Bottle player with rotten luck. Let's relive the (lack of) magic!

I'm going to gloss over the cold open, the second in as many weeks to feature a Republican presidential candidate yammering on for what seemed like forever. (It also tripped up Jason Sudeikis repeatedly as he tried to read off the teleprompter.) Instead, let's skip ahead to the monologue, which a nervous Radcliffe rushed through, speaking at times over the audience's applause. It featured a bit in which he told Harry Potter fans that "you were reading children's books" (which reminded me of the classic William Shatner sketch at a Star Trek convention, and paled in comparison), then segued into a few punny visual gags on the character. So far, so mediocre.
It felt like Kristen Wiig, the cast's biggest star, was doing triple-duty during this episode, which began with a return to a character we haven't seen in a long while: her weird Target checkout lady. Radcliffe was done no favors in the role of a stock guy with a long ponytail who was in love with her for no apparent reason. The sketch felt messy and ran long, though it did feature Radcliffe's bared torso, which is impressively ripped.
I love Sudeikis's Ricky Gervais, and this sketch did a great job of parodying his particular brand of smarm—even if, as we now know, Gervais was a non-shocker at this year's Golden Globes.
SNL has done repeated sketches aimed at internet culture, parodying bloggers on Weekend Update and hostile, anonymous commenters in another recent sketch. This week the show went after YouTube stars, with a talk show that mocked how an entire generation now exists who think they are more talented and wonderful than they are, and who crave fame online. You know—the Rebecca Blacks of the world. Except there was something incredibly patronizing and disingenuous to me about this, seeing as Andy Samberg, and most aspiring sketch comics, are now taking to YouTube to launch their careers. Just because someone's work is on the internet doesn't make it "less" than something on a big-deal network show like SNL. In fact, SNL is kind of shamelessly lacking compared to a lot of stuff you find online. Plus, it's SNL. It's the dominating force. It's money, it's fame, it's "success," as defined by the general culture. So why attack people who are actually trying to use what's available to get their own creativity out there? Granted, there's a lot more garbage online, too, but this sketch just sort of dismissed it all, smugly. And, most ironically, this sketch WAS NOT FUNNY. Not even a little funny. So the point wasn't even made. (Rant over.)
Now this was a great, pre-filmed sketch, not billed as a Digital Short. (So does that mean it had nothing to do with Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island guys? I'm not sure how that works.) A roomful of teens played Spin the Bottle, and Radcliffe's character kept landing on a series of increasingly gross homeless men, who he then had to kiss, as the rules dictate. Where did they come from? No one seemed to know, or care. I particularly liked Kenan Thompson's bum, who had band-aids on his mouth and a large whitehead on his forehead.
There were a few other bad sketches that were nevertheless interesting to me for various reasons. One was "The Jay Pharoah Show," which finally acknowledged the fact that Jay Pharoah is a bit of an inept (if likable) cast member, except when it comes to his celebrity impressions. It maybe made the point too well, because all the non-impression parts of the sketch felt unrehearsed and funny. Compare this to "The Chris Farley Show," which sent up Farley's image as a childlike buffoon hilariously.
Then there was this disaster, "2012," in which an audience from the distant future watched a play about how life was back in 2012. It was basically an excuse for writers to make up a bunch of random jokes about how life will be different in the future, a la Conan O'Brien's "In the Year 2000" bit. But the sketch was not funny, and featured a really weird moment where Kristen Wiig had to describe a graphic sex act. Seriously, I had to rewatch it a few times to relive the awkward.
Here's Radcliffe's Casey Anthony dog bit on Weekend Update. I'm glad he had this. He needed a score. It was pretty clear neither Radcliffe nor the writers anticipated that the word "rough" sounds identical to "ruff," which earned one of the biggest laughs of the bit. So here's to accidental jokes, I guess?
Finally, here is Lana Del Rey's performance of her hit single (if you hang out on the internet a lot), "Video Games." This isn't a music site, and I don't want to get too deeply into the ongoing fascination with whether or not Del Rey is an authentic talent or pre-fabricated passing fad. All I know is, I went in with an open mind and was a bit astounded at what I saw. And I'll leave it at that.